Funny sms messages

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If I was an artist,
You would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
You would be my inspiration!
If I were an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!

Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

Commerce professor asks the student:
What is the most important source of finance for starting business?
Student: "Father in law".

Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains.
Rest has, Girlfriends

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has,
You wish you had ordered that.

A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth?
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for selfish.

There is a sign in the toilet of the method change clinic.
It reads: We may never piss this way again.

Husband: Today is Sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for your parents.

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: “What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”

A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

God thought that since
He couldn’t b everywhere
He made a mother.
Then devil thought that
He couldn’t be everywhere
He made a mother-in-law.

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

A boy goes to see a dance.
His mom angrily asks him:
Did u see anything they’re that
U was not supposed to see?
Boy: yes, I saw dad!

Girls are like phones. We like to be held and talked too-
But if u presses the wrong button you will be disconnected!

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins!

Love affairs: Something like cricket,
Where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

Roses are red; violets are blue,
Frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????

When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that
Everyone should have a friend like you....
Why should only I suffer!!!

Can v do romance in the evening today?
I'm in a good mood
Just a little bit of kissing and biting
Reply me soon!
Yours lovingly
"MOSQUITO"

Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don't even have a bid car like rohit.
But I really love you!
Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit..

Dream makes everything possible,
Hope makes everything work,
Love makes everything beautiful,
Smile makes all the above... So always Brush your Teeth

Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.

Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked
Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that Sunday is a holiday.
Have a Great Sunday...

A Love Letter from BISCUIT MAKER- Dear Marie,
Today is Good Day, U r Anmol for me...
But U have Crack jacked my Heart,
Coz I have a Little Heart, Now I m in 50/50 position...

An Englishman, bihari & punjabi were standing on roof.
They decided to throw down whatever was available in excess with them.
Englishman threw pounds, Bihari threw rice & Punjabi threw the Bihari down.

An engineering student to his sweeper brother:
I have got degree; I have got knowledge,
I can sit in society. What do you have?
Sweeper: I have the job.

Gal: Do u has any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper:
How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

Always start your day with a lot of
S-mile
E-energy
X-casements
So make it daily habit and we’ll always be SMILING!

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the
Other of the trouble in the flat where they lived;
The judge called for orderly testimony.
"I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed.
The case was closed for lack of evidence.

Good news! A new way to send Romantic kiss to your girlfriend
Just call me and order your kiss. I will personally go and deliver it.

Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, from birth till my death,
my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been a headache!

What's the difference between wife n neighbors wife?
Wife is a chocolate, can have any time.
Neighbor’s wife is like an ice cream, shod he immediately.

It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa,
In the bathroom or anywhere!
U must never stop doing it.
It's called Prayer! God bless your naughty mind.

Gal: Do u has any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat,
Keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,
20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

2 men went 2 a call girl.
1st went in and came out n said
“Na my wife is better.”
2nd went in and came out n said
“U R right your wife is much better.”

What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earthquake…p

Human brain is the most
Outstanding object in world
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
And stop only when we enter the examination hall.

Someday you may lose your hair.
You may lose your teeth- your money & even lose your mind.
But 1 thing you will never loose is your good looks.
Because you cant lose what you don’t have!

Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.
Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta:D

Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey

Love is possible after friendship
But friendship is not possible after love
Because medicines work before death
Later nothing can be cured…

Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking…

I always think about U.
I can’t live without U.
I really need U.
I’m totally mad about U.
I just want to be with U.
I’m crazy 4 U.
I want to marry U.
I LOVE U.

Wife: I wish I were a newspaper
So I would be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that u were
Newspapers so I could have
A new one everyday

Friend’s r like fishes
U has to sit patiently for a long time
To catch a good one
Just like I caught u.
So better stay nice otherwise
I will FRY YOU.;)

Marriage is like a public toilet
Those waiting outside are desperate to get in
& Those inside are desperate to come out.

Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench.
A young boy came to him and asked the time.
Old man refused to tell the time.
Boy insisted again & again but old man denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said if I tell you the time,
Then you will ask about me, my name, job etc.
Then I will ask about you, both of us will be frank.
By chance you may get the seat with me.
Then you may get down at my station.
My daughter will come to receive me.
She will meet you. She is beautiful.
You may fall in love with her, she too.
Then she may insist to marry u, even may threaten me.
And I am sorry that
I don’t want such a poor son in law
Who hasn’t his own watch to see the time?  

Boy1: Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1: How?
Boy2: v were caught sleeping together
Boy1: What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in math’s class
Think +ve:)

A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one know how to pray?
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok priest, you pray;
Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket
As we are one jacket short.

5 points that prove you are a normal student
1:unnecessary talk on phone and messages
2:Plan each day to study but end of the day KAL SAY PAKA
3:you have all the data but you work before the dead line
4:right now you are thinking of forwarding this message to your friends
5:on each point you smile because it’s true.

When I open my eyes every morning
I pray to God that everyone should
Have a friend like you….
Why should only i suffer!!! ha ha ha

I always think about U.
I can’t live without U.
I really need U.
I’m totally mad about U.
I just want to be with U.
I’m very desperate for U.
I’m crazy 4 U.
I want to marry U.
I LOVE U.
That’s all that my mama says to me

Teacher: U failure!
At your age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student: Mind u, Sir,
But at your age Hitler committed suicide

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
Your dad paying the bill!!!

If u has 1 father, call me.
If you have to fathers; sms me;
If u have 3 fathers, miss call me.
If I m your father, just ignore this message.

I just feel u….
Whenever I feel u….
I just miss u.
Whenever I miss u
I just want to see u
Do u know why
It’s juts because …………
I LOVE CARTOONS***

Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, next please
Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 times

Father to son:
Whenever I beat you,
You don’t get annoyed,
How you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning the toilet
Seat with your toothbrush

What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems,
Subtraction of money,
Multiplication of enemies
& Division of friends

A girl & boy were sitting alone,
That boy started touching de girl,
Girl: don’t touch me, all this only after marriage.
Boy: ok call me when u r married.

If I was an artist,
You would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
You would be my inspiration!
If I were an author you would be my story!
But I’m only a cartoonist!

What is the difference between?
A woman and a magnet;
Magnets have a positive side!

Full form of math
M=mentally
A=admitted
T=teacher
H=harassing
S=students

Man 1:
“I m Always Delighted
When People Stick Their
Noses In My
Business.”
Man 2:
“Why, What Do You Do?”
Man 1:
“I’ve A Company, Make
Tissue Papers …” ;->

When I was born
Devil said…Oh Shit!!!
Another GOOD PERSON!
& When u were born devil said …
Oh Shit!!!! Competition….

Man: Doctor! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Man: Three Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Man: We were using duplicate key

Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken.
Call the manager!
Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it either.

You are a DOG…
D = Darling
O = Of
G = Girls
Now u r smiling na?
Am I right??
Tu sach mein kutta hai

Buyer to seller: is it pure honey?
How do I know if it is pure honey?
Seller: give the dog some honey.
If the dog doesn’t lick it, it is pure honey
Buyer: what if the dog licks it?
Seller: so it is not a real dog.

Wife: What is 10 years with me?
Husband: A second.
Wife: What is $1000 for me?
Husband: A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband: Wait a second

A very old lady teacher of English
Ask this question with the class:
When I say, “I am beautiful”, which tense is it?
One pupil answered: It’s the past tense of course.