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Two days of power cut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of
Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
How did Santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
Santa falls in love with a nurse...
After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her:
I love u sister.
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there.
You know why?
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering,
Dashboard, gears of car has been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jet to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause van he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
American: In our country,
Marriage even takes place with email.
Santa: In India, it is only with a female
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
Half an hour and slapped the man
And said: “He’s not my friend.”
A lady calls Santa for repairing doorbell;
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him.
Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank’s slogan was:
We make your dreams come true…
Santa cuts sides of the capsule
Before taking it?
Guess why?
To avoid the side effects!
Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
And he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now?
Police or Ambulance!
An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.
Santa Singh was observing him; suddenly a star falls.
Seeing that Santa Singh shouted, “what a shot you made!”
Banta owned a factory.
He issued orders that only married
Men would be employed.
Friend asks: Why this?
Banta reply:
Because married men are more obedient.
Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette.
He struck the first match on the matchbox, but it didn’t light.
He tried another; it didn’t light too.
The third one finally lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match
Out and put it in his vest pocket.
What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?
Asked another man.
Santa replied, “That’s a lucky match stick. Ill uses it again.”
Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction (left or right)?
Santa: Downwards!
Banta to his new bride, Preeto,
“Now that we are married,
do you think you will be able
to live on my small income?”
“Of course, dear, no trouble,” she replied.
“But what will you live on?”
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer: Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh: Ok
Interviewer: Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer: Good… Keep it up
Banta Singh: Bad…. Put it down
Interviewer: Maxi Mum
Banta Singh: Mini Dad
Interviewer: Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh: Insufficient! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer: Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh: Clever! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer: I say you get out!
Banta Singh: You didn’t say I come in
Interviewer: I reject you!
Banta Singh: You appoint me
Banta ask Santa: what will you
Advise your children about marriage?
Santa declares: I’ll never marry in my life and
I’ll give same advice to my children also.
Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do.
Santa: Major Ronal told me T.V Cable is not good for kids,
They don’t study, so I got rid of it
Banta: Good?
Santa: Now we have a Dish Installed
Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!
Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta,
Who was just behind him in the line said?
I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
Pappu while filling up a form:
What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
A lady calls Santa for repairing doorbell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago,
He hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?
An Englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman:
Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
Jeeto yelled at santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it going to be!
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
Ultimate answer while changing the job
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..
Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the keyhole.
History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas
Santa giving exam while standing at the door
A man asked, "Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door,
The light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
Teacher to santa: where were you born?
Santa: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
Santa: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple".
(After walking some distance, he finds a 50-rupee note)
Santa: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little?
You have already taken your share!"
Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here.
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
Don’t rush in love for it never runs out.
Let love be the one to knock at your door,
So by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat
I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and
To have happiness I need you!
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one
Has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the
World’s longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with you
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should
I write against mother tongue.
Santa: Very long!
How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying; they are studying him
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, and Tell-a-woman.
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.
Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
Jeeto: U tells a man something; it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tells a woman something; it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
Santa: a mad dog bit my mother-in-law
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?
" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers,
"Can I have a burger & fries?"
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, and beats.
Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why? Because he wanted to check from where the
Question paper is leaking.
Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I have reason 2 suspects that
Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 makes me jealous.
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and
Found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
Santa (reading from book of facts):
"Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta:
"Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do,
Mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter
ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"
Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare
uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma s
e pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh
ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai.
Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans
Had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed
2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua
BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal
Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha:
Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha,
yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay,
Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha,
har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000-Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I am falling in love.
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho
kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne
Ka samay subah 10 se 12".
Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..
Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs. Santa:mai tere
Mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai?
Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to...?
Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".
Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
Santa: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Banta: "B.A."
Santa: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"
Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon,
sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.
Jab dosti ki dastan waqt sunayega,
Tumko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega,
Tab bhool jayenge zindgi ke gam ko,
Jab apke sath guzara samay yaad ayega.
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut
pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai,
Hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever-
What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G.
Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u G
Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi...
Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya
Per usne Santa te sussu karta.
Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi
Factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said:
No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.
Santa went to see a gal for marriage.
Their families decided to leave them for some talk.
After some time santa asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
" Girl: "Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye."
Santa's shayari: Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main
pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh
nahi sakda, main tere bina hun reh nahi sakda.
Santa: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ik hor aadmi ne keha santa 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Santa: Meinu patta se tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu
keha si, Likh ke kyu nahi liyanda ?
Santa: Ki karda master g,
jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia oh paj geya!!!
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola:
"Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100
ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon.
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